
Longlisted for the National Book Award.When Ada leaves home for her freshman year at a Historically Black College, it’s the first time she’s ever been so far from her family—and...
Longlisted for the National Book Award.When Ada leaves home for her freshman year at a Historically Black College, it’s the first time she’s ever been so far from her family—and...
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- Unabridged
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Longlisted for the National Book Award.
When Ada leaves home for her freshman year at a Historically Black College, it’s the first time she’s ever been so far from her family—and the first time that she’s been able to make her own choices and to seek her place in this new world. As she stumbles deeper into the world of dance and explores her sexuality, she also begins to wrestle with her past—her mother’s struggle with addiction, her Nigerian father’s attempts to make a home for her. Ultimately, Ada discovers she needs to brush off the destiny others have chosen for her and claim full ownership of her body and her future.
“Candice Iloh’s beautifully crafted narrative about family, belonging, sexuality, and telling our deepest truths in order to be whole is at once immensely readable and ultimately healing.”—Jacqueline Woodson, New York Times Bestselling Author of Brown Girl Dreaming
“An essential—and emotionally gripping and masterfully written and compulsively readable—addition to the coming-of-age canon.”—Nic Stone, New York Times Bestselling Author of Dear Martin
“This is a story about the sometimes toxic and heavy expectations set onthe backs of first-generation children, the pressures woven into the familydynamic, culturally and socially. About childhood secrets with sharp teeth. And ultimately, about a liberation that taunts every young person.” —Jason Reynolds, New York Times Bestselling Author of Long Way Down
Awards-
- Michael L. Printz Award Honor Book
American Library Association - National Book Award Finalist
National Book Foundation
Excerpts-
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From the cover
GRADUATION DAY
Just look at methey got me out here
wearing a dress
heels
makeup
hope Mama’s proud
she sure does look like it
looking at me and squealing
like proud mamas do when
their baby looks something
like she came from them
her squeals bounce
from every wall of this hotel lobby
her screams shake from
her fragile body exploding
like she’s shocked by her own joy
unsteady heels click
against the tile toward the person she can say
was the best thing she ever did
with her life
Here’s the scene: I’m seventeen and graduatingfrom high school
and this weekend I learn to juggle
my father and his new wife
are on their way to the Home of the Chicago Doves
decked out, like they’re about to glide down the church’s red carpet
him in his crispiest suit, her bulging from a flowered dress
my baby brother dressed
as Dad’s mini identical twin
belted in the back seat
of my father’s golden Toyota Camry
is giddy knowing nothing
about what day it is
or how his big sister
will survive it
after picking up her own mommy
keeping her seated somewhere
she can fidget
far from his side of the family
Mama fidgetsin my passenger seat
more on edge than me
maybe cause it’s been
like five years since we’ve seen
each other but she is here
scoffs under her breath
thinking, just like her
this hoopty is proof
of yet another thing
I don’t need
shrugs away small thoughts
not knowing
Dad demanded
I save and buy my first Camry
myself
sits and tugs
at her lopsided wig
pulls down the mirror
reapplies bloodred lipstick
smudges some on her cheeks
with her fingers
and I thank god knowing
without this
I may not
recognize her
We pull into my high school’s parking lotfor the last day I will ever have to smile at these people like I ever belonged here / for the ten minutes it takes Mama and me to get to the stands along the football field, a place she has never seen / I imagine the sounds of our heels to be / like a song we are for once dancing to together / today / I’m not angry / at her slurred speech / I’m not angry / at her missing teeth / I’m not angry / at her fuss / I’m not angry / that she looks nothing like / the last time I saw her / or that / I don’t know when the next time will be / for the ten minutes it takes Mama and me to get to the stands along the football field / I’m just happy we’re both here / alive
My name is Adabut not really
it’s what my father’s side
calls me cause I was born
first
and on this day
I’m only three months
from leaving this place behind
they tell me there’s
a big world out there
and they tell me
there’s so much I can do
and I know nothing
but this city
but my father
but these schools
where I’ve...
About the Author-
- Candice Iloh is a first generation Nigerian-American writer, teaching artist, and youth educator. She has performed her work around the country, most notably at Nuyorican Poets Café in New York City, the Women in Poetry & Hip Hop celebration at the Reginald F. Lewis Museum in Baltimore (where she performed as Nikki Giovanni), and as part of the Africa In Motion performing arts series at the National Museum of African Art in Washington, D.C. She is a graduate of Howard University and holds an MFA in writing from Lesley University. Her work has earned fellowships from Lambda Literary and VONA among many others. This is her first novel. www.becomher.com
Reviews-
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Starred review from October 19, 2020
In this remarkable novel in verse, introspective Ada moves out of her Nigerian father’s home in Chicago to begin her freshman year at an unnamed historically Black university in Washington, D.C., where she experiences the anxieties and rewards of living independently and making her own decisions. However, traumatic memories of her past persistently haunt Ada, particularly the volatile relationship she has with her estranged mother who suffers from addiction, the gendered expectations that accompany her father’s Christianity, and a childhood sexual assault. Uninspired by her accounting classes, Ada meets Kendra, a charismatic Black dancer, who encourages her to pursue her secret lifelong love of dance. As their relationship deepens beyond friendship, and dance becomes a priority, Ada must bridge the gaps between her past, her father’s projections of her future, and how she wants to define herself and her life. In this stunning debut for young adults, Iloh crafts succinct, beautiful poems to illustrate the difficulties of navigating the tangle of family history and obligation, the power of art to heal and express, and the strength it takes to chart an authentic, independent path. Ages 12–up. Agent: Patricia Nelson, Marsal Lyon Literary Agency. -
Candice Iloh gives a gripping performance of this semi-autobiographical novel in verse. Listeners will meet Ada, the daughter of a Nigerian father who is unaccepting of American customs and an African-American mother who is mentally ill. Ada's life is difficult. Nonetheless, she explores her sexuality and wants to study dance rather than accounting. Iloh unhesitatingly portrays Ada in grade school and in college, where she experiences her first taste of freedom. This coming-of-age story is enhanced by an unflinching look at child sexual abuse and the pressure placed upon a first-generation immigrant to meet family expectations. Iloh excels with portraying the polar opposite parents and in contrasting bullying versus supportive classmates. Verse makes audio a must for this exceptional story. S.G.B. � AudioFile 2020, Portland, Maine
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Starred review from December 1, 2020
Gr 7 Up-This moving and lyrical coming-of-age story in verse is sensational and unforgettable. Burdened with heavy expectations at a young age, Ada struggles to figure out who she is underneath the mask she puts on to appease her parents and her peers. Her father is a Nigerian immigrant and her mother is an emotionally abusive African American woman dealing with mental health issues. Her father has custody and raises her in the church, setting very high standards for how she should look and behave. All Ada wants to do is dance and draw, but she is an obedient daughter and always puts her elders first. The story is told in alternating timelines between her time in public school and moving away to college. Listeners feel the anguish and inner turmoil as Ada struggles to peel back the mask that holds her in place. Flashbacks to painful moments from the past, e.g., being molested by a cousin, segue to painful moments in Ada's present. Expertly narrated by the author herself, this story is one listeners won't forget. VERDICT At times painful, but ultimately cathartic for Ada and listeners alike; impossible to put down.-Erin Cataldi, Johnson Cty. P.L., Franklin, IN
Copyright 2020 School Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.
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Penguin Random House Audio Publishing Group -
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